godd!

i have a SERIOUS dilemma. it is a NO BUENO situation. like..this is gonna make or break me as a person.

the worst part? i cant go to my best friends about it.

um jess...?

you're reading my blog while you're in the same room as me? sketch.
i love you. BAhahaha.

umm...i hate hanging out with you and haley...hahaha i dont know what you guys are talking about at ALL.

(: <3

can we hang out just me you meghan colleen gia...parker(;...yadayadayada...like next week? i miss not being here. hahaha

okay. well..halloween, you haley and me...yes. im not taking no for an answer.

bye. (:

/:

my day has just been so sucky.; i hate being here, in springfield. its so pointless.

i just need to break down. i havent legit cried in days, and its building up....SO annoying.

ugh. i like him so much....its kind of sickening. cuz everytime...it gets ruined. i ruin everything.; ya know how in ghosts of girlfriends past..he learns something from every ex...and on Greek, Rebecca and Dale ask their exes why they didnt work out? yeah...i thought about it and none of my relationships work out because of me...i lie and i get way too over-protective...and it sucks...because im a jealous person by nature..so i cant exactly change how i react...and i dont wanna ruin this one...

i wish

i could go home.
i could be home for my birthday.
for world peace.
my parents would get off my jock. (YOU WISH I WAS ON YOUR JOCK)
that i had more freedom.
that everything in life was a-okay.
that my best friend hadn't moved.
i had never switched to brentwood.
i had never gone to ladue.
i could go to a private school.
my life was easier.

i love:
my mom.
my dad.
my sisters.
my bestfriend who moved away.

im grateful:
that i moved to brentwood.
that i moved to ladue.
that my parents are so strict.
for my family's sacrifices.

all in all...sure, i'd love to change certain thing in my life...but at the same time...the things that i want to change so desperately are the things that shape me.<3

life

is oreos, dunked in plain milk. life is your favorite pair of jeans that never stop fitting. life is your nails growing and painting them the perfect color. life is the grass growing outside and the sun rising every morning. life is your little sisters healthy and breathing upstairs. life is your favorite show on Netflix so that you can watch it whenever you want. 

life is all the simple things..and taking into full consideration how if one changed, it could crush your mood.

life is perfectly okay right now, no matter how shitty some situations are. because i have oreos, to dip in my plain milk and i have a favorite pair of jeans for everyday of the week. i have healthy, spirit-filled little sisters and the grass is still growing.

i dont know guys.

summer isn't supposed to be like this; stressful and tiring. and i dont know how much more i can take of it!
is it wrong that im HOPING the rest of my summer flies by? /: yeah..i thought so too.

it's not that i'm not happy for her..because i totally am..i just wish we talked more. it seems like he's so needy..and that's the only reason i'm not hurt or offended when she tells me she has to go..it's not that big of a deal but..i can only handle so much /:

to top it all off..i have "work" ?! i get paid to babysit my SISTERS...and trust me...my sisters are **brats**

i do NOT get enough sleep every night..bahaha they say 8 hours minimum...but i get like...3-5 hours every night...not* the best idea. (:

18 DAYS till my birthday.. i can not wait. 

in case anyone was wondering...i want coloring books for my birthday! on a count of i love colorin and all...ha. whatta joke. cuz i dont have a single creative bone in my body..but maybe that's why i want the coloring books? to practice?
nah...i just like coloring(:

off to watch a movie with my lil cousin. <3 All Dogs Go To Heaven

lalala whatever

damn it! tonight i wanted to go see Maroon 5 at The Arch... but no*... why would parents ever let their one and only daughter have ANY fun?! What a dumb question... the answer?; they're CRAZY. oh well.. I'm going to Webster Days instead.

its like... day 4 of no-mo-emz </3
Emma, if you read this...i love you. even if you kinda bitch me out EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE and even if you dont sext me constantly like you promised... i think this is gonna be a lot easier on us than we expected; 4MONTHS16DAYS.

I'm so excited that Jess and Meghan are includin me today though! Meghan is SOO thoughtful and chill... my kinda lady. (NOT ... like that)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzlNFcT2aOE

boo.

Emma, my best friend, just moved to Arizona. I'm shit. I feel* like shit. I LOOK like shit lately. I know it sounds weird but she was basically my life. Not like I have many other friends. I mean..."I have friends, and they have friends, but they have parties...and I'm so awkward"

Haley's in Florida, which just makes this whole 4th of July weekend partying thing suck. Usually she goes to all the dumb 4th of July parties with me and we do sparklers...but not this year...thank you Tim.

Jess is hanging with Meghan all the time...which is TOTALLY understandable because Meghan is tons of fun...but I can't hang out with them because they *GO* places..and those places aren't approved by my parents.

Do you understand how suckish it is to be as old as I am? No freedom. No trust. But oh well...I guess it can only get better from here?

I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do for school next year. I really want to try to convince my parents to let me go to private school for my junior and senior year...but that's a LOT of money that they don't have /:

Fuck my life. Yay America.

<3